I. Causes of Conflict:

arises from a clash of expectations/preferences/desires that results in disunity. It can be good or bad.

Js 4:1 Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members?

II. Prevention of Self-centeredness 

A. Eagerly Love 1Pt 1:22  Since you have purified your souls by/in {en} obeying the truth through {dia} the Spirit  to/in {eis} sincere love {philos} of the brethren, love {agape-do what is in another’s highest inter est} one another fervently {stretched out} with a pure heart

B. Edify - to establish and build up in the ways of God   1Th 5:11 encourage each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing

1Th 3:2  and sent Timothy…our fellow laborer in the gospel of Christ, to establish you and encourage you concerning your faith,

C. Encourage 3870 parakaleo to call to one’s side

Rom 14:19  Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another. 15:1 We then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples of the weak, and not to please ourselves. 2  Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification. 3  For even Christ did not please Himself; but as it is written, "The reproaches of those who reproached You fell on Me." 4  For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort/encouragement of the Scriptures might have hope. 5   Now may the God of patience and comfort/encouragement grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus, 6  that you may with one mind and one mouth glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.  7  Therefore receive/accept one another, just as Christ also received us, to the glory of God.

D. Exhort 3888 paramutheomai to speak to, by way of admonition, incentive, persuasion or to calm and console

1Th 2:11 you know how we encouraged, and comforted, and charged (witness) every one of you, as a father does his own children

1Co 14:3  But he who prophesies speaks edification and exhortation and comfort?? to men.

1Th 5:14  Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort??? the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all.

III. Cure for Conflict

A. Resolve, Remove, and Reduce Sources of Conflict SoS 2:15; Eph 4:29-32 (see TOYL)

Communicate over effect and cause

Out with the excess baggage, erroneous expectations, self-centered slop

No hiding and hurling

Forgive as you've been forgiven (graciously, undeservedly, permanently) 

Learn your lessons well or you'll repeat them in a living hell

Independence must metamorphose into Interdependence built under the Headship of Christ

Chose to compromise on what's right and change yourself on what's left (as a gift of love to your mate)

Transform your filters, values, self-talk and tapes to Biblical norms (parental, societal, and other) {otherwise, see "L" above}

B. Speak the Truth in Love (see eponymous outline)  Eph 4:15 speaking the truth in love...grow up into the Head, Christ

B1. Admonish=warn of consequences; put in right mind  Rom 15:14 I myself am confident…you also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another. 2Th 3:15 Yet do not count him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.

B2. Reprove=bring to light; prove   Eph 5:11  have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose/reprove them

2Ti 4:2  Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Reprove/Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching.

B3. Rebuke=put fear upon Lk 17:3 Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him

B4. Reject (see Carnal Christian outlines) Titus 3:10 Reject a divisive (chooses own way)  man after the first and second admonition

Mt 18:15 if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16  But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.  1Cor 5:9,13; 15:33 2Th 3:14

Questions for Reflection/Discussion/Response:

1. What do you think causes the most conflict in relationships? Why does that “cause” exist? Is it possible to live peaceably with all men? Rm 12:18

2. How would being a close friend of God (last week) result in more harmonious relationships? Would Jesus ever rebuke and reject someone? Mk 6:11

3. How does being in the world but not of the world re friendship evangelism harmonize with the commands to be separate (ie 2Cor 6:17)?

4. How long should one patiently tolerate selfish inconsiderate unloving behavior before confronting the person? What’s love got to do with it? Rev 3:19

5. What Spirit-led actions do you need to take this week in a relationship to glorify God?  Why would you be tempted to wimp out?