Family Life V: Parenting-What to Stress for Success
Purposefully Plan and Prioritize your Power Parenting
Pr 1:7-8 achieve competency...developmental tasks
Accept Authority & Responsibility and Acknowledge Reality Pr 2:1-15
Rules, Rod and Reproof give Wisdom and Security Pr 29:15; 13:24; 19:18
Have a minimum of rules, for the benefit of the child, CONSISTENTLY sold, enforced, and rewarded.
Esteem Them so They'll Esteem Themselves (see outline on self-worth 8/95) Pr 4:1-27
Need Meet as God Meets Your Needs (security, acceptance, belonging, love, etc.) Pr 3:11-12
Target: have an age & ability appropriate objective
Review and Relate to what's already mastered (preview REWARD)
Attention: get them focused and free of distractions, looking with eager curiosity
Interest: build need; sell on benefits and feasibility, keeping motivated throughout
Numerous attempts with feedback, encouragement, and intermediate REWARDS
Help them do what they can't do themselves; Refuse the impulse to jump in and take back responsibility
Inquire about what they're doing and why (ask questions) to build understanding and discernment
Encourage the effort and the slightest progress, REWARD, raise the bar, REWARD, then wean
Value them as well as their progress, verbally and non-verbally
Expect their best, carefully criticize, ending on a positive note of praise and approval
Megaskills to Instill: Confidence-"I can do it"; Motivation-"I want to do it"; Effort-"I'll go the extra mile, uphill"; Responsibility- "I can be trusted to do what's right"; Initiative-"I take action on my own"; Perseverance-"I never give up until I get it"; Caring-"I'm aware of & concerned about others' needs and interests"; Teamwork-"I cooperate with others and value their contribution toward an objective;"; Common Sense-"I understand cause and effect & make good decisions"; Problem Solving-"I can creatively use TOYL Project Planners". Megaskills, Dorothy Rich. Houghton Mifflin 1988 (See Leading a Child to Independence, McKean 1986)
Proverbial Parenting Targets: 1 Wisdom-ability to chose the right objectives and the right means of attaining them; Knowledge-perception of facts, their meaning, and relation; Understanding-discernment of differences/values; Fear of Lord-awareness that the God who judges is watching and remembering everything I think, do and say; Discipline-controlling actions and emotions by objectives, cause/effect, consequences, choice of friends, standing alone, resisting peer pressure, avoiding temptation, respect for others, respect for themselves, not be self-centered, attentiveness, learning, accept advice/rebuke, avoid complacency, true security; 2 teachability, diligence, perseverance, endurance, justice, fidelity, righteousness/uprightness, value driven, pursue rewards; 3 review lessons, how to be prosperity, loyalty, trust/faith, humility, budgeting, giving, priorities, dependence, determine relative value, weigh options, confidence, generosity, responsibility, honesty, truthfulness, fairness, non-violence, contentment; 4 wholeheartedness, steadiness, vigilance, foresee consequences, will power, motivation, true/pure speech; 5 obedience, prudence, purity; 6 non-rashness, diligence, initiative, foresightedness, planning, opportunist, responsibility, peacemaking, judgment self-control; 7 preventative maintenance 8 be blessed; 9 interpersonal relations, handling fools; 10 etc...(planning, organization, staffing, direction, control, evaluation)
Questions for Reflection/Discussion/Response:
1. What are some of the top problems you've observed in teens/adults? What can you do now to prevent them in your child?
2. What do you wish you learned/avoided as a kid? How can you help your child in those areas?
3. What are the top skills you deem necessary for survival/success in our society? How will your child get those skills?
4. What mistakes do you see parents making? Why do parents neglect their responsibility to teach/train? How can BAC help?
Leading a Child to Independence, Paul & Jeannie McKean, Here's Life Publishers 1986
Spiritual: knows how to study the Bible; experiences a consistent quiet time with the Lord; has a general working knowledge of Scripture; is developing as a person of faith knowing how to seek the Lord, memorize Scripture, faithfully obey; has a strong concept of who God is; has a strong understanding of who he is in Christ; is consistently growing in the ministry of the HS; is a person of prayer.
Physical: accepts himself physically as a gift from God; understands and practices personal hygiene; maintains proper weight for his age; keeps a regular physical fitness program; maintains a good diet; has at least one sport to develop in; has regular medical checkups; maintains a good appearance; has a biblical perspective of sex.
Intellectual: has a working knowledge of basic academic skills; has read 20 world classics; has a general grasp of world history and current events; knows how to find needed information; knows how machines work; knows how to drive; has a practical knowledge of general skills; is developing creativity; knows intellectually the "whys" of his belief; is teachable; knows and uses principles of time management; has a sense of ethics.
Social: understands the Biblical motivation for relationships; takes responsibility, as part of society, for its actions; is confident in the role of host, hostess, or guest; knows common etiquette and courtesies; is confident in making introductions; is able to relate to various age groups; puts others at ease because he is at ease.
Emotional: has a sense of significance as a person; has a sense of belonging; is accepting of others; can make decisions; understands, makes and carries through on commitments; is able to have fun and enjoy life; is able to communicate his feelings to others; is able to give emotionally to others; is able to handle emotionally difficult situations.
Financial: has a Biblical view of finances; has a giving heart; knows how to work; understands how to manage finances; knows how to invest money; knows how to save money; knows practical how-to's of banking.