I. God cares about our pleasure and has plans for its fulfillment
(Joy Results from Choosing what's best -Philippians)
SOS 1:4 We will be glad and rejoice in you. We will remember your love more than wine 2:4; 5:1 Jonathan and David 2Sam 1:26
II. Pure passion arises from purity: Don't waken. Don't defraud.
1) Leave, 2) Cleave, 3) One Flesh►Unity Gen 2:24
A. Doing God's will opens the door for Him to meet our needs, so we're free to meet the needs of others. 2Cor 9:8 grace abound
B. Timing SOS 2:11 the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. 12 flowers appear on the earth; Do Objective to Know Subjective
C. ZZZZ SOS 2:7 I charge you, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it will delight/please (3:5, 8:4)
SOS 8:9 If she is a wall, we will build upon her a palace/castle of silver; and if she is a door, we will enclose her with boards of cedar. 10 I am a wall...then I became in his eyes as one who found peace/friendship/security/completeness. See: Sleeping Beauty/Prince Charming
D. Defraud = selfishly promise but not deliver 1Thess 4:1 we urge and exhort in the Lord Jesus...how you ought to walk and to please God; 2 for you know what commandments we gave you through the Lord Jesus (Jn 14:15). 3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification-holiness: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, 5 not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6 that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. 7 For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. 8 Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit.
E. Kill: Gal 5:24 those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Rm 12:1-2 living/ongoing sacrifice Mt 19:12
F. Sleep: God will give what's best, when it's best. Ps 27:13 I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of Yahweh In the land of the living. 14 Wait on Yahweh; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on Yahweh!
Ps 84:10 a day in Your courts is better than a thousand...I would rather be...11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD will give grace and glory; No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly. 12 O LORD of hosts, Blessed is the man/woman who trusts in You!
inadequacy [affirmation], insecurity [trust], insensitivity [repentant seeking], ingratitude [appreciation], infidelity [commitment]
SOS 2:15 Catch us the foxes, The little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have tender grapes. (no enduring grapes, no wine)
A. Inadequacy SOS 1:6 Do not look upon me, because I am dark, the sun has tanned me...but my own vineyard I have not kept
SOS 4:7 You are all fair, my love, and there is no spot in you. 9 My sister, my spouse; You have ravished my heart with one look of your eyes
B. Insecurity SOS 3:1 I sought the one I love; I sought him, but I did not find him. 5 Don't stir up nor waken love until it will please
C. Insensitivity SOS 2:16 My beloved is mine, and I am his 6:3 I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine. 6:10 I am my beloved's
SOS 5:6...my beloved had turned away and was gone...I sought him, but I could not find him; I called him, but he gave me no answer.
SOS 5:16 His mouth is most sweet; Yes, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend
SOS 6:10 I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me. 12 I will give you my love 13 All manner, new and old, which I have laid up for you.
Other-centeredness/Reciprocity 1Cor 7:4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 32 But I want you to be without distraction. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord - how he may please the Lord. 33 But he who is married cares about the things of the world - how he may please his wife. 34...The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy/separate both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world - how she may please her husband. 35 And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.
D. Ingratitude SOS 6:1 Where has your beloved gone, O fairest among women? Where has your beloved turned aside [appreciation]
E. Infidelity SOS 6:8 There are sixty queens and eighty concubines, and virgins without number. CU Legacy Project commit to institution
SOS 8:6 Set me as a seal upon your heart...for love is as strong as death, ardor/zeal as stubborn as the grave; Its flames are flames of fire, 7 Many waters/floods cannot quench love...If a man would give for love all the wealth of his house, it would be utterly despised.
IV. “Friend or Foe” Truthbase Friendship
Commonality (values/interests); self-denial (skill set), serving needs, other-centeredness;
First be a Friend of God; Repair, Maintenance and Cultivation (Rutherford 15 minutes); Investment in Each other and in a Common Cause (All things to all men 1Cor 9:22); Empathy & Encouragement; Need Solving; Defend Life and Reputation.
Questions for Refection/Discussion/Response:
- How does one develop worth and validation apart from a mate? How does Biblical Friendship differ from using the other person?
- Can God meet emotional needs? How does He do that? Should people who lack self control get married? How does that solve things?
- How does a failure to deal with the little things cause a crop failure in a relationship? How does one/two catch the little foxes?
- How does one rectify: dissimilar values; divergent families; poor communication; inequities; infidelity; Gottman issues?
- How can you develop and deepen God-glorifying relationships with those around you? What would they say you need to improve in?