The Art of Family Living

Man's ultimate purpose for living is to glorify God and to enjoy him forever. To realize this end, God instituted the sacred ordinance of marriage: A monogamous relationship, intended to be a permanent bond, sealed by a holy vow; where a man and woman commit themselves to be faithful to one another and to be dependent upon the Lord Jesus Christ; to experience the deepest spiritual and physical unity.- H. G. Hendricks

SPIRITUAL COMPATIBILITY

Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? 2 Cor 6:14

1. Can you identify a day or time period when you placed your faith in Christ for salvation?

2. Do you have the certainty that your partner has come to faith in Christ7

3. Can you recount how and when your partner became a Christian?

4. Has your partner demonstrated a lifestyle of similar spiritual commitment as you have?

5. Have you decided where you will attend church and to what degree you will become involved?

INTERPERSONAL COMPATIBILITY

It is never convenient to communicate; it is always costly. -Howard Hendricks

1. Are you comfortable sharing feelings, desires and goals with your partner?

2. Does the presence of your friend stir intellectual activity and provide inspiration?

3. Do you experience a sense of emotional pain when separated from your partner?

4. Have you demonstrated a willingness to be flexible in your relationship?

5. Have you been able to forgive your partner for an offense, reconcile, and forget the matter?

SOCIAL COMPATIBILITY

O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together. Ps 34:3

1. Are both sets of parents in agreement with your intentions?

2. Have you objectively looked at all your partner's family to see the major influences shaping their life?

3. Do you really respect your partner and are you proud to have people for whom you have high regard meet your friend?

4. Do you find generally that you like the same people?

5. Have you observed differences in your social backgrounds that might cause conflicts?

ROLES/RESPONSIBILITIES

The success of a marriage depends not only on having the right partner or on being the right partner. -Abraham Lincoln

 1 Have you discussed in detail who is responsible for what in your relationship?

2 Have you grown to trust your partner in areas for which she/he will assume responsibility?

3. Have you discussed and come to agreement on what it means when it says that the husband is to be a loving leader and the wife is to be submissive? (Eph. 5:22-31)

4 Have you as a wife-to-be seen your partner function as a loving husband?

5 Have you as a husband-to-be seen your partner willingly respond to your leadership?

COMMUNICATION

Speak truth ..do not let the sun go down on your anger...be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other; just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Eph 4:25-32

1. Have you agreed to always tell your partner the truth?

2 Have you committed to never criticize your partner in public?

3. Are you in agreement on how decisions will be made when disagreement occurs?

4. Have the two of you worked through a definite disagreement to the complete satisfaction of both?

5 When outside trouble develops, does it tend to pull you together rather than push you apart?

GOALS

If you aim at nothing, you will hit the target every time.

 1. Are you both committed to intimacy in your communication as a couple & to the effort this requires?

2 Do you both want to be used by God to help your partner come to full maturity as a Christian?

3 Do you like outlook on life and values of your partner?

4. Have you visualized with your partner what you would like to be doing and where you hope to be living five to ten years from now?

5 Are you personally committed to making your marriage a success whatever the cost or sacrifice?

EXPECTATIONS

Expectations & disappointments go hand in hand.

1. Have you discussed with your partner what specific expectations you have for marriage?

2. Do you know what specific expectations your partner has for your marriage?

3. Have you discussed and accepted your similarities and differences?

4. Are you in agreement over how much time you will spend with each other's family?

5. Are you in agreement on your feelings toward having and raising children especially in light of career opportunities?

FINANCES

Honor the Lord from your wealth and from the first of all your produce. Prov 3:9

 1. Are you in agreement on how your combined income will be given to the Lord's work, saved, and spent on the necessities of life?

2 Have you discussed the standard of living which you believe Lord wants for you?

3. Are you taking steps to be financially free and not become trapped in debt?

4. Have evaluated your partner's previous spending habits to see existing patterns of money management?

5. Is there a willingness tor one or both of you to change so that spending will be agreeable able to both?

SEX

Love--an unconditional commitment & to an imperfect person .

1. Have you determined premarital sexual standards by open discussion so that each feels that the decision reached honors the Lord?

2. Does the wife-to-be realize that men move from the visual to the physical and therefore need a sexual relationship with their spouse to deter temptation?

3. Does the husband-to-be realize that women move from the emotional to the sexual and therefore need love demonstrated in verbal and practical ways often? ?

4. Do you have complete confidence that your partner will be faithful to you (could you trust her/him with a member of the opposite sex)?