TOYL Relationships Objective:

Bad: To get my needs for ___________ (stimulation, fun, security, fulfillment, companionship, etc.) met through/by others.

To never be hurt or vulnerable.   To be accepted and supported unconditionally.    To please others so they'll like me.

BETTER: To develop intimate, transparent, and accountable relationships which stimulate Christlikeness

I. Commonality

reduces threat, increasing security, worth validation, sense of belonging, and being accepted and understood.

Gen 4:7  If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.

Ac 10:35 in every nation whoever fears Him & works righteousness is accepted by Him. Rm 14:18  Eph 5:10  finding out what’s acceptable to the Lord

Rm 15:7 Therefore receive/accept (NIV) one another, just as Christ also received/accepted us, to the glory of God/in order to bring praise to God.

II. Christlikeness

is developed by purposeful interaction sometimes stretching us beyond our comfort zone in conforming us to Christ.

Rm 8:28 we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. 29 For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.

2Cor 3:18 But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.

A. In order to be friends with each other we must: First be a Friend of God…

1. Obedience sets hearts in same direction Jn 15:14 You are my friends, if you do whatever I command you.

2. Needs met on the infinite level.  The condition which high friendship demands is ability to do without it. - Emerson 1803-1882

3. Insights can be garnered from and compared against His Truth

4. You become a person of worth 2Ch 20:7...give it to the seed of Abraham your friend forever? Isa 41:8; Jas 2:23 scripture was fulfilled which says, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed to him for righteousness: and he was called the Friend of God.

5. Character becomes more loveable  Pr 22:11 He that loves pureness of heart, for the grace of his lips the king shall be his friend.

6. Resources for rocky times in the relationship

7. We learn to love from a Master Jn 13:35 By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another. Jn 15:13

B. Develop the Character/Skill Set Necessary for Developing Good Friendships: See TOYL Biblical Friendship Series

Free exchange of thoughts and lives (always governed by loyalty and love)

Repair, Maintenance and Cultivation

Investment in Each other and in a Common Cause

Empathy & Encouragement

Need Solving

Defend Life and Reputation

III. Conflict

of preferences and values is inevitable but not insurmountable as two people grow closer together and God

1Co 15:33 Be not deceived: evil company corrupts good habits.

1Co 5:9...not to associate with immoral people…11  But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner—not even to eat with such a person

2Th 3:14 if any man obeys not our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed.

Lk 21:16 And you shall be betrayed both by...relatives and friends; and some of you shall they cause to be put to death.

Questions for Reflection/Discussion/Response:

1. What should be one’s goal in relationships? Should it be the same for introverts and extroverts Can guy/gal friendships be platonic?

2. How does the relationship perspective of a mature saint differ from that of a new believer, or that of an unbeliever?

3. What happens when our perspectives or standards of acceptance differ from God’s? Why can we be deceived?

4. How do you filter what should or shouldn’t be shared in a relationship? Where’s the gossip line? What about “confidences”?

5. How can God use a “bad relationship” in your life? List all the ways God could bless and benefit you from such a beast.

6. What can you do to develop more Biblical, Christ-pleasing and Christ-like relationships with your 3/12/70/300?