“The basis of an unshakeable self-worth is the daily decision to please God by living as Christ's disciple. Enduring worth and value is not found in being created (hell) or saved ("worthless servant"), but in being a disciple and doing the things that earn approval and esteem from the One who matters most ("Well-done, good and faithful servant").” (BC, 1995)
“If value is bestowed upon a person by others, then a person’s value is determined by the one who is most valuable.” (TA, 2012)
A. Self-Esteem: what it is and why it matters
Human Drivers: Power (Security/Significance), Pleasure, Possessions. Worth/Value Self-Esteem.
Research shows that self-esteem is the strongest predictor of life satisfaction in the US, outstripping all demographic and objective outcomes such as age, income, education, physical health, marital status, and all other psychological variables. Low self-esteem has been invoked as an explanation for, or a contributing factor in aggression, poor school achievement, adverse health outcomes, substance abuse, eating disorders, teenage pregnancy, marital discord and more.
Rom 12: 3 For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.
Proverbs 18:4 The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness, But who can bear a broken spirit?
B. Sources of Self-Esteem: Temporal/Eternal. Self/Others/God. Gift/Result of effort
1. Appearance
1 Peter 3: 3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward––arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel–– 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit
2. Competition
Phil 2: 3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.
3. Academic Performance
1 Cor 8:1 Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies.
4. Approval From Others
Galatians 1:10 For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.
5. Family Support
Matt 12: 48 But He answered and said to the one who told Him, "Who is My mother and who are My brothers?" 49 And He stretched out His hand toward His disciples and said, "Here are My mother and My brothers! 50 "For whoever does the will of My Father in heaven is My brother and sister and mother."
6. Virtue
2 Pet 1: 5 But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue ….
Gal 6:4 4 But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.
7. God’s Love (acceptance)
Genesis 4: 6 So the LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? 7 "If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it."
C. Developing a Solid Self-Esteem
Start with your current sources. Do the self-esteem assessment on the back, be honest with yourself.
Estimate your current level of self-esteem. Meditate on how you feel about yourself.
Look at your sources in the light of eternity. Now try to list things that make you feel good about yourself and check how much impact they have when you appear before the judgment seat of Christ.
Fantasize about what would happen if you had abundance of your sources. Use the list you just created, go overboard with this.
Envision what would happen if all your sources were gone. Use the same list as above, now with a total lack of them.
Select the best sources. The previous steps should have helped with this. Eternity is very long.
Turn them into Toyl goals and share them with an accountability partner.
Encourage yourself through visualizing success. Reprogram your robot, healthy self-talk. No stinkin’ thinkin’.
Enjoy the temporal benefits. These will be there, enjoy them as a result, but do not confuse them for the purpose.
Meditate on the magnificent marvels that God will manifest to those who will hear “well done, good and faithful servant”.
Questions for Reflection/Discussion/Response:- Why do so many people have a low self-esteem? In what ways is Satan working in our lives to give us a wrong self-image?
- How does a low self-esteem hinder you from being useful for God’s purposes? Can a very high self-esteem hinder you? If so, in what ways?
- What is your self-esteem based on? Are you ‘doing well’? How can you write God’s commands on the ‘tablet of your heart’?
- How can you help someone whose self-image and self-esteem are damaged?
- What steps can you take this week to develop a Biblical self-esteem?
| | Strongly Disagree | Disagree | Disagree Somewhat | Neutral | Agree Somewhat | Agree | Strongly Agree | 1 | When I think I look attractive, I feel good about myself. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 2 | My self-worth is based on God’s love. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 3 | I feel worthwhile when I perform better than others on a task or skill. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 4 | My self-esteem is unrelated to how I feel about the way my body looks. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 5 | Doing something I know is wrong makes me lose my self-respect. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 6 | I don’t care if other people have a negative opinion about me. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 7 | Knowing that my family members love me makes me feel good about myself. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | I feel worthwhile when I have God’s love. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 9 | I can’t respect myself if others don’t respect me. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 10 | My self-worth is not influenced by the quality of my relationships with my family members. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 11 | Whenever I follow my moral principles, my sense of self-respect gets a boost. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 12 | Knowing that I am better than others on a task raises my self-esteem. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 13 | My opinion about myself isn’t tied to how well I do in school. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 14 | I couldn’t respect myself if I didn’t live up to a moral code. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 15 | I don’t care what other people think of me. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 16 | When my family members are proud of me, my sense of self-worth increases. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 17 | My self-esteem is influenced by how attractive I think my face or facial features are. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 18 | My self-esteem would suffer if I didn’t have God’s love. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 19 | Doing well in school gives me a sense of self-respect. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 20 | Doing better than others gives me a sense of self-respect. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 21 | My sense of self-worth suffers whenever I think I don’t look good. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 22 | I feel better about myself when I know I’m doing well academically. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 23 | What others think of me has no effect on what I think about myself. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 24 | When I don’t feel loved by my family, my self-esteem goes down. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 25 | My self-worth is affected by how well I do when I am competing with others. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 26 | My self-esteem goes up when I feel that God loves me. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 27 | My self-esteem is influenced by my academic performance. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 28 | My self-esteem would suffer if I did something unethical. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 29 | It is important to my self-respect that I have a family that cares about me. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 30 | My self-esteem does not depend on whether or not I feel attractive. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 31 | When I think that I’m disobeying God, I feel bad about myself. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 32 | My self-worth is influenced by how well I do on competitive tasks. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 33 | I feel bad about myself whenever my academic performance is lacking. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 34 | My self-esteem depends on whether or not I follow my moral/ethical principles. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 35 | My self-esteem depends on the opinions others hold of me. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
*Item is reverse-scored such that 7=1, 6=2, 5=3, 4=4, 3=5, 2=6, 1=7.
FAMILY SUPPORT: items 7, 10*, 16, 24, and 29. COMPETITION: items 3, 12, 20, 25, and 32.
APPEARANCE: items 1, 4*, 17, 21, and 30*. GOD’S LOVE: items 2, 8, 18, 26, and 31.
ACADEMIC COMPETENCE: items 13*, 19, 22, 27, and 33. VIRTUE: items 5, 11, 14, 28, and 34.
APPROVAL FROM OTHERS: items: 6*, 9, 15*, 23*, and 35.
• First, reverse-score answers to items 4, 6, 10, 13, 15, 23, and 30, such that (1 = 7), (2 = 6), (3 = 5), (4 = 4), (5 = 3), (6 = 2), (7 = 1).
• Then sum the answers to the five items for each respective subscale score, and divide each by 5. |
