Once upon a time, in a land far away, there was a princess…               …and they lived happily ever after.

I. Any two people committed

to seeking and following Christ, doing God's will according to His Word, being Spirit led in their decisions, and daily denying themselves to serve others, can live happily ever after, because they are experiencing God's grace to meet their own needs, and are thus free to truly love each other, rather than use the other. God is just, you will reap what you sow.

II. It is better to spend a couple of extra years waiting 

for God to provide what's best when it's best (perfect plan), than spend one extra day married to a self-centered slimy carnal frog. A God fearing, praiseworthy Sleeping Beauty puts her desires to sleep in the will of God (cf Adam) so they can only be awakened by a mountain climbing, ocean swimming, dragon negotiating, courtly Prince Charming. When emotions kick in, rational thought goes out the window, resulting in short-circuiting wisdom and letting selfishness reign.

III. Basic Biblical Qualifications  TRACK RECORD of wholeheartedly seeking God!!!  

She’s Content, not a Complainer

A. She is submitted to God, contentedly asleep in the will of God, not at the swamp kissing frogs. See “Lord of the Ringless”

Eph 5:22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 24…in everything  33 …and let the wife see that she respects/fears her husband.

Trusts God with her present and future, with the result that she is submitted to parents/boss/elders/church; good accountability rlshp;  

has her needs met by God (not friends) and has a good self-image; be worthy of my dragon slaying; seeks holiness and God’s will for all aspects of her life daily (QT, Bible Study & Memory, Church); has a TOYL purpose (glorify God) and is fulfilling it (loving others); humble (doesn’t have to be center of attention); waits on God for the perfect fulfillment of His will and timing ; yields her way/rights joyfully (choosing what’s best) w/o fussing sulking or making you pay;  Does not nag (as if God not in control) nor criticize her husband (esp in public); forgives as she’s been forgiven; Will stand up for what’s true and sit down when appropriate; can endure difficulty patiently: willing to live with little $, sleep, time (no me-time) as she seeks the will of God. (cf The S-word Submission outline)

B. She is Disciplemaker following Christ’s commands and example She’s a Completer not a Competitor

Titus 2:3  that they be reverent/sacred in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things—4  that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5  to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed

She’s sacrificing & investing her life in other women (future mom/child trainer); doesn’t get derailed by cares of this world; has an effective prayer life; takes and interest in others and knows how to build relationships, making others comfortable; demonstrates a servant lifestyle, taking the initiative to discern and meet needs according to God’s will; encouraging & patient; can motivate others to godliness 

C.  She is Virtuous Home-Maker She’s a Helper not a Hinderer

Pr 31:10 Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no need of spoil. 12  She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.         Gen 2:18,20  a helper comparable/fit to him.

Trustworthy (consistent and good follow-through, discrete in speech); Gives honor, deference and esteem to others; speaks well of others

She can run a household creatively and raise a family; hospitable; works hard and is self-supporting; multi-tasking juggler; good cook

D. She is committed to emotional and physical purity, has her desires under control, does not defraud or flirt (seek attention to build worth/value) 
1Tim 3:11 wives must be venerable, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things. Cf 1Thess 4:3-8 will of God…not defraud

Good steward of God’s resources/money; Feminine; stylish but not a slave to fashion, yet appropriately modest; Passionate, but has control of emotions and esp speech; Innocent but with an adventurous curious creative spontaneous, & responsive spirit; smoldering sexuality; keeps herself attractive; as pretty as she is godly, and in best physical and mental shape (push-up & sit-ups Pr 31:17)

E. She relates on social, intellectual, emotional levels, communicating (not whining) until there's commonality 
Eph 5:31 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 
Plays chess (can plan ahead); has a sense of humor; likes the activities her husband likes (Teammate); cultivates her intellectual life and constantly seeks to improve herself in various competencies. Independent & self-sufficient (can function well without me); confident (not susceptible to what others think of her); truthful and loyal; reasoned and rational; Not a gossip, talks about meaningful things. Someone who can and will be my best friend, which involves mutual openness, honesty and support. Smells good.

F. She is an other centered lover, committed to sanctify herself to satisfy other’s needs   (STARR, see TOYL Marriage outline, His Needs Her Needs) 

1Pt 3:1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2  when they observe your chaste/holy conduct accompanied by fear. 3  Do not let your adornment be merely outward——arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel 4  rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5  For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands,  6  as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.

Doesn’t nag, complain, bug, badger, nor pester; learns from her mistakes; lives with ambiguity (faith); kind; selfless; respectable

IV. Chemistry and Compatibility Considerations {CHARACTER TRUMPS CHEMISTRY} 

Shared values, perspectives & vision - commonality (esp on issues of potential conflict and frequent impact); can haggle and likes Monty Python.

Questions for Reflection/Discussion/Response:

1. How does a girl guard her heart while being friendly and encouraging guys to be godly? Can a guy have lots of gal pals?

2. How does a guy develop a relationship with a girl who is guarding her heart? What’s the difference between like, love, and lust?

3. Should a guy “search” or be asleep in the will of God like Adam was?  How does a guy demonstrate initiative and leadership?

4. Make a list of the qualities a man would need to "complement" each of the above characteristics. How are you doing in each of them? 

5. If God designed marriage to be a source of exhilarating mutual delight, why do only 6% of couples married 20+ years consider themselves happy?