7 Relationship Principles: #1=Enhance Love Maps
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NEG: Harshness; Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness. Stonewalling; Flooding; Short-Circuit; Reject Repair; Rewrite History
I. Know their: dreams, hopes, interests, fears, (emotional) needs, trials, triumphs/failures, preferences
1Jn 1:3 what we have seen & heard we declare to you, that you also may have fellowship with us; & truly our fellowship is with Father & His Son Jesus
TOYL Bad: To get my needs for ___________ (stimulation, fun, security, fulfillment, companionship, etc.) met through/by others. BETTER: To develop intimate, transparent, and accountable relationships which stimulate Christlikeness
Q1. What should be one’s goal in relationships? Should it be the same for introverts and extroverts? Why is intimacy difficult?
II. Barriers to Being Known Lack of Transparency: Why am I afraid to tell you who I am? …Hiding/Hurling
A. Fear of Rejection from low Self-Esteem/Sin; Fear of Betrayal/Hurt (no trust)
If we’re not getting worth and value from God, we devalue ourselves (compensate with inferiority or faux superiority); We reject
False Beliefs; Parental tapes/models/experiences; Mr 1:11…You are my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased. 9:7
Q2. Is God generally pleased or displeased with me? What have I done or am doing that delights Him? What should I stop/start? 2Cor 9:8
B. Fear of Discovery: Sin; Hiding (guilt); Dishonesty Life behind a mask at a masquerade ball vs mountain climbing
1Jn 1:7 if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, & the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin
Immaturity; Irresponsibility; Unfaithfulness; Distance due to Bitterness/Resentment/Lack of Forgivenessl False Beliefs
Q3. What are some of the advantages of being transparent? What do we lose by hiding or hypocrisy? How can one develop courage to change?
III. Barriers to knowing:
A. Self-centeredness Selfishness/Pride; Enough about me; How about you? Why don’t you talk about me?
B. No Self-control; Reactivity/Rejection; Talkativeness; Control issues, Trustworthiness; Busyness, Poor Priorities; False Beliefs
Q4. How do you filter what should or shouldn’t be shared in a relationship? Where’s the gossip line? What about “confidences”?