Tasks of Intimacy
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Tasks of Intimacy
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I. We become capable of love and loving (and being more loveable) by developing Intimacy with God that frees us from our past
1Thess 2:8 So, affectionately longing/desirous for you, we were well pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God, but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us. SEE Intimacy with God; Barriers to Intimacy with God, and TOYL Friendship on Truthbase.
We need Christ-centeredness to center ourselves, and other-centered to love others as Christ would. See Phil 2 below
Erikson sequential developmental stages: Trust; Autonomy; Initiative; Competence; Identity; Intimacy; Generativity; Integrity
II. Task of Knowing requires communicating: focus, listening, clarifying, sharing til there is commonality 1Cor 1:10 same judgment
In cultivating intimate rlshps, we feel safe in sharing our deepest dreams, desires, fears, histories, traumas, motives, ambitions and goals. Generally, this is a reciprocal and gradual process. “Give the person the gift of being attentive and present, not escaping to my inner thot life, thinking thru my to-do list, focusing on my feelings/thots/arguments while another is speaking to me. Really seek to understand and know not just on a superficial level or what the person directly says, but what excites, motivates, saddens, hurts etc. (this is easier for some but achievable for all esp with God’s help)
Jn 15:15 No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.
III. Tasks of: Trust, Truthfulness, Transparency increase authenticity and confidence Mtn Climb vs Masquerade Ball-Truthbase
Our submissive trust/confidence in God's goodness, power and sovereignty enables us to trust others. Gen 50:20 Joseph: God meant it for good
Confidence they'll act discreetly honorably fairly/justly, for mutual benefit/growth. No purposeful harm/rejection (but need God's standards especially of acceptance).
Don't let fear of conflict get in the way - see conflict as something to go thru (not around) to get intimacy, not something to avoid, even if the person is a complete ogre in your eyes. Trying to just keep the relationship harmonious, not honestly saying what you think, and examining it in the light with the other person is deceptive and creates dissonance and distance.
Eph 4:22 put off...23 be renewed in the spirit of your mind, 24 put on the new man which was created according to God, in true R and holiness. 25 Therefore, putting away lying, "Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor," for we are members of one another.
IV. Tasks of Concern Care Comfort Concern for each other's well being, comfort in times of distress, safekeeping the other from harm, displays of affection, genuine, selfless care for each other.
Phil 2:1 Is there any encouragement from being united with Christ? Any incentive from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Affection and sympathy? 2...agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. 3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. 5 You must have the same mind/attitude that Christ Jesus had... NLT+
V. Tasks of Hesed Responsiveness Reciprocity Respect: Healthy relationship partners are mutually responsive to each others' needs: empathy, support, affirmation, affection, etc, Recognizing, understanding and supporting each other in pain/gain, so the other feels valued, appreciated and loved. If you can't reciprocate, explain why. Rm 13:8 Owe no one anything except to love one another
Rm 12:9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. 10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another;11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; Gal 5:13
VI. Tasks of Unity Mutuality Identity: recognizes a close connection and changes his or her view/identity from 'me' to 'we'
Eph 4:15 but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into the head - Christ 16...body, joined -knit together by what every joint supplies, acc to the effective working of every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.
VII. Tasks of Influence Interdependence: each strengthens, enables and influences the other, meaningfully
Js 3:14 envy and self-seeking in your hearts...15 sensual (cx HS led), demonic. 16 confusion and every evil \ 17 wisdom (cf Pr counsel) from above is first pure, then peaceable, equitable, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, w/o partiality nor hypocrisy.
Humility, openness, acceptance and understanding of others as uniquely created by God to be different and for my sanctification (either as a teammate or sandpaper or both) - we are all part of one Body, but different parts have different functions. If I don't open myself up to understanding or accepting another as different and having a valid point of view (if it is different to my own and can be Biblically supported), I can get stuck and not let the HS minister to me thru the Body/others because I buy the lie/think my way is best
VIII. Commitment: mutual volition for wanting the rlshp to continue indefinitely, which further allows above components to grow
Committed focus on seeking God's blessing for the other rather than seeking one's own...comfort/security, fun, flshp, worth, etc
1Pt 3:8 all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be friendly minded 9 not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.
Questions for Discussion/Reflection/Response:
1. How does an intimate rlshp with God help us have good rlshps with others” What rlshp can a sanctified believer have w/ carnal one?
2. Looking at the above, which ones do you think are most important? Which would you safely leave out? Is there a better order?
3. If you weren't born with all the above skills, how can you dvlp them? How can you help someone else grow? (Hint: see #I.)