We're Not OK but There Is a Way - Vulnerability and Virtue Part 1
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We're not OK but There is a Way: Vulnerability and Virtue © 2022 WF Cobb Truthbase.net DailyTruthbase.blog
I. Me Not OK-You OK; Me Not OK-You Not OK; Me OK-You Not OK; Me OK-You OK (self deification) [All Truth is God's Truth]
Q. What if don't feel loved; what is Biblical love like? A. Faith in Revealed Fact vs Feeling/Fantasy/Fabrications of satan =False expectations
Where do we get our ideas re love? Satan's system, or from the Creator God who reveals Himself to be love? God is love -1Jn 4:8
Remember feelings/emotions arise from value-filtered perceptions/lenses of reality, and are also expressed thru often faulty value filters
How do you want to be loved? Lev 19:18 no grudge-love others as yourself. Know & embrace God and His commands as revealed in Scripture
Jn 13:34 A new command I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. (=2nd!!)
See TOYL Friendship and DTB bottom of each post (What does this tell me about: God, myself, and the rlshp 'twn the two?).
To be accepted and feel loved, we must be lovable. Our choice Gen 4:7 You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master. NLT
A. Reparent Yourself From: “The Magic Lamp of Self-Esteem” Truthbase.net Shepherd: Parent control to Self control to HS control
Admit reality; Blame appropriately; Consider cause; Decide to forgive; Emphasize +; Find help; Grow w/ Godly goals;Help others
B. Freud: Id (desires/fantasies)-Ego(=u)-Superego (parents/principles-rules) Transactional Analysis TA: Parent-Adult(=u)-Child (desires)
C. TA: 1) People= OK; therefore each person has validity, importance, equality of respect cf Image of God yet cx Fallen Rm 1 & 3:23
2) Positive reinforcement increases feelings of being OK. Cf Heb 3:13 encourage one another..none hardened by deceitfulness of sin.
3) All have a basic lovable core and a desire for positive growth Phil 2:13 HS at work in us to cause us to desire and do God's good pleasure
4) All...capacity to think Rm 12:1-2 Transformed by the renewing of your mind that you may experience God's good perfect will.
5) All facets of you have a positive value for you in some way Rm 8:28 God works all together for good to those who love Him
6) People decide their story and destiny ? these decisions can be changed Eph 4 Put off...be renewed...put on
7) All emotional difficulties are curable Php 2:15 prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach
“Freedom from historical maladaptations embedded in the childhood script is required in order to become free of inappropriate, inauthentic and displaced emotions which are not a fair and honest reflection of here-and-now life (such as echoes of childhood suffering, pity-me and other mind games, compulsive behavior and repetitive dysfunctional life patterns). The aim of change under TA is to move toward autonomy (freedom from childhood script), spontaneity, intimacy, problem solving as opposed to avoidance or passivity, cure as an ideal rather than merely making progress & learning new choices” "Goal: Adult= obj appraisal of reality” Wiki
D. OK “...the time children start to walk and begin to achieve some measure of control over their environment. Instead of learning ideas directly from parents into the Parent, or experiencing simple emotion as the Child, children begin to be able to explore and examine the world and form their own opinions. They test the assertions of the Parent and Child and either update them or learn to suppress them. Thus the Adult inside us all develops over time, but it is very fragile and can be readily overwhelmed by stressful situations. Its strength is also tested through conflict between the simplistic ideas of the Parent and reality. Sometimes, Harris asserts, it is safer for a person to believe a lie than to acknowledge the evidence in front of them.” Wiki See: The Games People Play, E. Berne – fourminutebooks.com
II. Brene Brown: story starts...research professor who said to us, "Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist." (BC cx God?)
one of the big sayings in social work is, "Lean into the discomfort of the work." (vs escapism)
A. Revelation, then Reason, then Reality; Universal Principle [across time and culture] vs Individual Practice [narrow minded]
[Arete; Self-sufficiency cx https://ndpr.nd.edu/ McCoy, Wounded Heroes:Vulnerability as a Virtue in Greece = mortality! nuanced hogwash]
Col 1:9 filled w/Knowledge of His will by all spiritual wisdom & Understanding 10 so that you will walk in a manner worthy of Lord
2:2 united in love to attain to the riches of applied Understanding eis epiKnowledge of the mystery (co-sharers of reward/inheritance in Christ's future kingdom – see Eph 1-2) 4 so no one will deceive you with persuasive words. 6 just as you accepted CJ as your Lord, you must continue to follow Him. 7 Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness. 8 See to it that no one take you capture you with hollow and deceptive philosophy and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world 10 So you also are complete thru your union with Christ, 12 For you were buried with Christ when you were baptized. And with Him you were raised to new life because you trusted the mighty power of God, 18 Don’t let anyone defraud you of your prize by delighting in self-abasement...saying they have had visions about these things. Inflated/proud without cause by their fleshly mind.19 and they are not connected to Christ 23These rules may seem wise...But they provide no help in conquering a person’s evil desires. NKJV/NLT/NIV
B. Purpose of life Col 1:22 reconciled to present you holy and blameless and beyond reproach 23 if you continue in the faith firmly established and steadfast, and not moved away from the hope of the gospel 26 glory of the mystery 27 Christ in you hope of glory 28 proclaim Him, admonishing & teaching, so that we may present everyone complete in Christ. 29...labor, striving acc to His power...
Brown: So where I started was with connection. Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it's all about. It doesn't matter whether you talk to people who work in social justice, mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is -- neurobiologically that's how we're wired (cf sex,cocaine et al?)-- it's why we're here. (Purpose of creation? Then what after you die?)
III. Sin = Shame/guilt; Honest/truth speaking-acting in love vs Vulnerability Independence is the essence of sin
1Jn 1:4 These things we write, so that our joy may be made complete. 5 This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. 6 If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; 7 but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. 8 If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar and His word is not in us.
A. Brown: shame (guilt?) is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection? The only people who don't experience shame have no (!???) capacity for human empathy or connection...and the less you talk about it (shame?), the more you have it. What underpinned this shame, this "I'm not good enough," The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability. This idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen. (using others to validate our worth? Loving ourselves & using others vs loving God & others )
]B. Worthy to suffer Worthy to escape; does belief determine truth/reality? (7QUESTIONS #1 How do you know what's True?)
Brown...people who really have a sense of worthiness -- that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness -- they have a strong sense of love and belonging -- and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough. There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging. That's it. They believe they're worthy. (self-worth/value on the basis of what? belief?reality; self-deification- self is the std/measure of all – makes the rules)
C. And the first words that came to my mind were 1) "whole-hearted."...And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. (cx Js 1:2 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. 5 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.)
2) They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly. 3) And the last was they had connection, and -- this was the hard part -- as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for connection. (2Cor 5:17 new creation in Christ Rm 12:2 renewing of mind...experience perfect will of God. Unity?)
D. 3) They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful (reframing value system)
IV. Our Choice to become OK is not to embrace and affirm sin, delusion/lies, and fantasy but to embrace & embody eternal Truth
Jn 6:63 It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing; the Words that I have spoken to you are spirit and are life. cf Dt 32:47
Jn 8:31 So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, "If you continue/abide (see Jn 15 true vine) in My word,
then you are truly disciples of Mine; 32 and you will know the Truth, and the Truth will make you Free.
A. Brown: You cannot selectively numb emotion (cx eg fear???). You can't say, here's the bad stuff. Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment. I don't want to feel these....You cannot selectively numb (???). So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then, and we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, and have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. (escapism from discomfort)
"Our brain is wired, above all else, for survival. So, the minute we have a threat, whether it's anxiety, fear, shame, whatever that threat is, our brain says: 'Give me a story that tells me who's safe, who's good, who's bad, who's dangerous.'" On Oprah
And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough. When we work form.."I'm enough"...then we stop screaming!? and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.
B. Truth: Key is not shame and sham stories, but understanding/discernment from Revealed Truth about life on this planet and the next
Why we are like we are, why others act as they do? (see reparenting -Blame appropriately: Long line of damaged people).
Understanding is not only a great Biblical concept, it is a command “Get wisdom, and with all your getting, get understanding” Pr 4:
Col 2:1 struggle 2 that their hearts may be encouraged, (by) having been knit together/united in love, (pft)
to/eis attain to the riches of applied Understanding eis epiKnowledge of the mystery of God and the Father and Christ
3 in Whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. 4 I say this so no one will deceive you with persuasive words.
Jn 14:6 Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.